


Sometimes you have to fall before you can fly

by Yesimevil



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Don’t worry everything works out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mack’s a good friend, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i wrote this when I was half asleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 10:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yesimevil/pseuds/Yesimevil
Summary: AU where the Doctor was an anomaly in that dreadful episode that I’d like to forget





	Sometimes you have to fall before you can fly

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: involves suicide attempt

“Everything’s going to be fine, Daisy, okay?” Fitz said, trying to reassure his friend.

“It will be,” said the Doctor, “will you let me finish?” He gestured towards Daisy.

“You are a monster. You programmed those robots to attack Yo-Yo, and now you’ve got Daisy lying on an offering table,” Fitz accused. The Doctor held up his hands.

“If the robot attacked, it must be because it was provoked. I simply programmed it to keep Mack and the others at bay,” he responded, sounding bored, “while I set to work removing Daisy’s inhibitor,” he continued. A stunned look developed on Fitz’s face.

“What?”

The Doctor pointed to the inhibitor with his scalpel like it was obvious.

“Her powers are the missing key to manipulate the gravitationiam,” he explained. Fitz closed his eyes tightly and shook his head.

“Tha-that- wait- stop. Just-stop stop stop stop,” Fitz ran a hand over his face in distress.

“You know that I’m right,” the Doctor said, rising from his seat.

“No-no! Be-cu-because-“ Fitz couldn’t complete his sentence, on the verge of tears and practically having a panic attack.

“Oh-I-buh-I- you’ll what,” the Doctor asked, mimicking him. Fitz began hyperventilating.

“Look at you,” the Doctor advanced, “You. Are. WEAK!” Fitz flinched violently at the last word.

“But together, we can fix it,” the Doctor advanced further, causing Fitz to stumble back.

“No-no Fitz, don’t,” Daisy begged.

“No...no,” Fitz pressed his hands to his head, hoping this was a bad dream.

“Finish what we started,” the Doctor continued.

“NO!” Fitz screamed. The Doctor look disgusted. 

“Well then, you’re just a burden,” the Doctor signaled to a robot and it grabbed Fitz and pointed a gun at him, despite his struggles.

“No, no, leave him alone!” Daisy yelled.

“Daisy, listen, everything’s going to be fine, i-i-it’s going to be alright,” Fitz lied. The Doctor sighed. 

“I should get rid of you right now,” he said, grabbing the gun and pointing it at Fitz, causing Daisy to lurch forward and scream obscenities at him.

“But,” he considered, “it will be more fun for me, watching you watch you friend get cut open,” he handed the gun back to the robot and sat down.

“N-no I-you-don-don’t-“ Fitz managed to get out. 

“If you don’t stop your blubbering, Daisy might not exist after I’m done,” the Doctor threatened. Fitz clamped his mouth shut, the air around him getting harder to breathe. The Doctor began to remove to inhibitor and Daisy screamed in pain. Silent tears made their way down Fitz’s face, as he dared not make a sound. 

————

The Doctor gave Daisy instructions on what to do, with the threat that if she didn’t, he would shoot Fitz on the spot. After she was done, the Doctor took the gun.

“No, wait!” Daisy yelled, panicked, “I did what you asked!” The Doctor made a face.

“But I didn’t make any conditions on afterwards, did I?” He turned to Fitz and cocked to gun. Fitz flinched at the noise, but attempted to stand tall.

“I-I’m not a-afraid of dying,” he said truthfully. The Doctor sighed.

“That’s right. I forgot. You would welcome death. You don’t care if guns are pointed at your head. You’ve pointed a gun at your own head several times!” He blinked at Daisy’s shocked looked.

“He did it after he got brain damage, several times while Jemma was gone, when Mack betrayed him, when Jemma was sucked into a different dimension, when you left, after the framework-“

“Okay, stop,” Fitz broke in.

“So you aren’t afraid of dying. But you are afraid of this,” he swiveled the gun around to face Daisy. Fitz’s heart dropped.

“No, no, don’t, please-I-no,” Fitz stuttered. The Doctor laughed a chilling laugh.

“What’s that? I can’t understand you with all your useless babbling. Just as well. You’re too weak to do anything about it. Isn’t that what your father would say? Weak? Pathetic, stupid? It’s all true,” he pulled the trigger, when May and Mack came out of nowhere and stabbed the anomaly with his shotgun axe, and decapitated the robot. May got a med team and loaded Daisy onto a stretcher. Fitz practically dropped to the floor in a full blown panic attack.

“Hey, hey Turbo, it’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt you,” Mack said, crouching next to him as he flinched away.

“I-I-It’s all my-all my f-fault-oh god-I-I-I-“ Fitz sobbed, “Mack I-I-I can’t br-breath-the,” he gasped, clinging to Mack.

“Th-the air-i-i-i-it’s gone-he-help me M-Mack,” he choked.

“The air’s fine, okay Turbo? I want you to breathe with me, can you do that?” He asked. Fitz nodded shakily.

“Okay. Breathe in,” Mack took a long inhale, “and out,” he exhaled slowly. Fitz tried to follow, but it came out more of gasping and sobs.

“In,” He inhaled deeply again, “and out,” he exhaled. They continued until Fitz slowly got control of his lungs.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I-I d-didn’t mean t-to freak out,” Fitz apologized, trying to stand. Mack pulled him into a hug.

“Never apologize for being human,” he said softly. Fitz froze at first, but let himself be held in a much needed embrace. 

————

Daisy recovered just fine; the bullet had only grazed her. When she was released from the hospitaly room, she went straight to Coulson and got him to call a meeting of the original team. Jemma and Deke had gone to get more food, and Fitz hadn’t left his room in days. Not even Jemma could get him to come out.

“I called you all here because Daisy said that she has something important to tell everyone,” Coulson addressed them, “so I’m gonna let her have the floor,” he stepped back.

“Thanks... uh, recently I discovered some things about Fitz that are...upsetting. Well, no. Upsetting is an understatement. Anyway, I found out that Fitz has been suicidal since Ward dumped him and Simmons in the ocean. He thinks everything is his fault, and believes what his father always said to him, which was he’s ‘weak, pathetic, useless and stupid’,” she looked around the room. Coulson had a sour look on his face, May looked like she was about to murder the entire solar system to keep Fitz safe, Elena was on the verge of tears, and Mack looked absolutely crushed. 

“So, just please keep an eye on Fitz,” she begged, “we need to watch out for him.”

 

—————

They all returned to their bunks, shocked at what they had just heard. Mack was the first to reach his, and when he opened the door he stepped on a folded up piece of paper. He frowned and bent down to pick it up, and several other papers fell out. He read the first line.

 

Dear Mack, 

I’m very sorry to do this, but I can’t live like this anymore. Please distribute these letters amongst the other, as I only had time to make one stop. I’ve made it easy for cleaning up, and I hope you under-

 

He spun around and raced back down the hallway as fast as he could. He skidded to a stop in front of Fitz’s door and banged on it.

“FITZ!” He screamed, fear and dread settling in his stomach. He heard a sniffle from inside and threw his weight against the door repeatedly until it opened. He ran inside and saw Fitz sitting on his bed with a sheet behind him, a gun in his hand and pointing the gun at his head.

“Fitz, think about what you’re doing for a second,” Mack said cautiously. He knew that if he said the wrong thing, the wrong outcome would arise. He slowly crept towards Fitz.

“Put the gun down, it’s okay,” He continued. Fitz shook his head.

“I-I can’t- I can’t live with myself anymore,” he whimpered, clutching the gun tighter. Mack continued forward steadily.

“This isn’t the way out, Turbo. What will Jemma do?” Fitz shook his head again.

“Jemma’s better off without me,” he said.

“No, she would be crushed. What would we do?” He continued. Just a little further...

“I-I-Ah-I-“ Fitz took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Mack knelt down in front of him.

“This isn’t how you make things get better,” he said softly, “sometimes you have to fall before you can fly.” Fitz opened his eyes and looked at Mack with raw pain in his eyes.

“Give me the gun, Turbo,” he said gently. Fitz hesitantly released the gun. Mack breathed a sign of relief and pulled Fitz into a hug, shedding a few tears.

“I-I’m sorry,” Fitz sobbing into Mack’s chest. 

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Mack said soothingly, rubbing Fitz’s back in a comforting motion. Daisy, Coulson, May and Elena came skidding in. It took May one look at the situation and she realized what was happening. She went over to Fitz and also hugged him, the others following in suit.

“We’re here for you, Turbo,” Mack murmured, “we won’t go anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> I sat down when I was half asleep and two hours later realized I had written a story so please let me know if there are any mistakes XD


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